I'm pretty sure people think I was magically born knowing stuff.

In fact, it takes a whole lot of research, time, dedication and massive nerd-ism to achieve the bank of knowledge both for photography and for the natural world that I have. I haven't just stumbled into things or been shown what to do and where things are (though there have been lots and lots of instances where that was the case, and I am ever so grateful for my fellow nerds who put boots to the ground just as much as I do.) I taught myself how to use the camera, and I did my own research about everything I shoot. In the natural world, that's often a lot more in the research phase because there are often several species active at one time, or there's specific conditions we need to have to get really great imagery.

To be able to share as much as I do takes hours and days and weeks of just being out in nature, spending time looking for the tiny things, studying graphs and charts, consulting with weather and tide times and iNaturalist (thank the universe for iNaturalist) where a healthy sized group of mega-nerds have taken the time to document what they've found in order to help each other along the way.

A recent attempt to share some of what I consider the most awesome and amazing of nature shit, has left me feeling deflated and a little bit over it.

The words "This is disappointing, I thought there would be more" were actually said.

There were more, so many more. We hadn't even begun to observe the magnitude of what there was to see there, but instantly my party was pooped and I no longer felt excited about it.

There are plenty of things in my life that make me feel that way on the regular, but nature is my escape. My therapy. My shining beacon amongst the day to day. It's where I go to center and ground myself and revel in the stunning nothingness of being in the quiet. I get that most people don't understand how that feels, or what it gives me, and there's definitely a reason why I've been careful to surround myself with people who do get it. It's important, I think, to keep it sacred and hold it close.

I think my days of trying to share the things I'm passionate (especially since I never ask for payment for anything educational) about are going to become a lot more scarce.